Youth: What Ideals and Which Direction?

I was taking a walk this evening through the lanes of my new world and new campus. 9.30pm is not such a late evening I suppose. Post-dinner walk is a routine for me for the past many months — but lost as I am always in my own thoughts and my own world, more-so without specs, it’s difficult for me to recognize faces. Suddenly from one dark corner of the lone building someone shouted at the top of his voice, “good evening maam” — the voice was warm, mischievous and naughty, enough to jolt me out of my somnambulism . My immediate response was to turn around and respond with a “good evening” as loud as his, but he ran away and vanished in the fraction of a second. I stood there waiting for him to come back so that I can return his good-evening with my own response and in fact inquired from people around in order to know the name of this boy who had the powers of vanishing . Stood there for 10 mins or so, I knew very well that he will not come back  — perhaps he was afraid I might scold or complain, or perhaps it was just a part of a prank to make me aware that a world exists outside my own hemispheres. If the second case is true, I must thank my unknown benefactor.

Yet, I am concerned and slightly afraid of the trends. Not that am too far in times or social status to judge the present generation but there is something much more deeper and more troubling  which needs to be looked at seriously.  The first aspect that I am thinking of is regarding the safety of women/ girl students in smaller towns, localities or suburban colleges in India. How safe is a girl actually? How safe are her peripheries and her zone of movement? There is something extremely lurid in the depiction and imagination of women in India. However, if our role models are so problematic then what do we expect of a younger generation? On Friday night, I was just browsing through the news channels and happened to come across a late night edition of IBN Live ‘s show where Mr. Rajdeep Sardesai,  Mr. Suheil Seth, Ms.Nikunj Malik, and Mr. Siddharth Basu were discussing the fate of Rahul Mahajan and Dimpy Ganguly (I am desperately trying to search that video on net in order to give you an evidence of the tone of such a conversation, but the video seems to have been removed). Except for Siddharth Basu, the rest of the team seemed to take an unhealthy pleasure in maligning a couple going through rough times. In fact, the extent of the discussion was such that Mr. Sardesai asks Ms. Malik if she would like to get married to an eternal bachelor like Mr. Seth and further deeper innuendos on Friday evening and the social and cultural background of a character like Dimpy. Not that I have any special corner for either the couple or malign against the news channel but the kind of discussion that was on was simply in ‘bad faith’. On the one hand, Mr. Sardesai talks of Indian audience being extremely voyeuristic and on the other there is a vocal discussion of Friday late night jokes where the trauma of a family is open to national scrutiny. Personally, I feel that there ought to be no room for academic snobbery while sitting on the editor’s desk  especially to ridicule a girl as that ‘Dimply’ and with statements that would implicitly imply “she deserves it because she got married to a wife-abuser in a third-rate show”.  Is this what a nation condemns its women to? What do we name this? The media and national news channels are supposedly live schoolrooms where students learn not only General Knowledge but also facing the nation with a certain degree of respect and responsibility. Students learn the very alphabet of a code of conduct from the media that they get exposed to. If national televisions and news channels themselves are so dramatically bent towards publishing lewd paparazzi or superstitions then where do young minds of not more than 18-20 yrs stand in this ruthless onslaught of information? Many women are subject to not only physical but also linguistic and imaginative violence at every stage of their life. In this context, where does a young girl just out of her teens not even sure of herself, joining college for the first time stand her chances? I don’t have an answer….

The second aspect that troubles my thought is that I have been observing cultural shows and galas of late at various institutions. There seems to be a dearth of imagination and all the shows boil down to just dating, flirting and dancing for so called ‘love’ and the ‘moving on’ aspect post the one-evening love. These shows have either Bollywood or else TV shows with Swayamvar kind of content. Drama, especially theater where students actually learn to perform as well as understand texts that would enrich their vocabulary as well as understanding of life seems to have vanished somewhere. Everyday communication has taken center stage and there seems to be hardly the time to read, understand and assimilate. I am not sure if in the craze to make technology and communication ‘simpler’ we are trying to produce a crop of students who do not understand any other language except the ‘simplified’ language of MMSes, SMS, social networking sites or cliff-notes for studies. I am slightly pessimistic regarding the role of a teacher to motivate students to ‘read’. Remember Robin Williams’ role in the classic movie ‘Dead Poets Society’? All this seems very attractive and motivating on-screen but how far we are able to bring out that which we are supposed to bring out in the young minds…I am still in doubt.

A recent study published as an article in an online portal called ‘Boston Globe’ states that there is a sharp decline in students across the world regarding their motivation and the hours they put in study. The amount of time invested by students to study has dramatically reduced over the years to an extent that now students study less than an hour a day.  That is scary!  I have a very strong reservation against compartmentalizing academic disciplines.  We will prepare good servants not good leaders or bright futures of this society if we limit ourselves to academic disciplines. Einstein also read philosophy, Gandhi did read Ruskin (the economist) to prepare his political ideologies, and if we look at the people of today Nandan Nilekani or Narayan Murthy or Kanwal Rekhi, in my perception have not limited themselves to studying Computer Science or Information Technology. In order to rule the roost, the secret of any leader’s achievement is her/his capacity to read, understand and assimilate things across disciplines. We cannot and should not stop a mathematician to learn Sanskrit or Prakrit and we cannot stop a doctor to understand literary theory. If we intend to divide curriculum on the basis of disciplines and if as students we have the apathy in accepting a new thought, a new idea or a new stream of knowledge, it is our gross misfortune. The world  has opened up to disciplines — it has become interdisciplinary. The sooner we accept the fact, better it is for a growing economy like ours.

As a nation, we are gifted with a population comprising largely of the younger generation. You must have seen the cola ad everywhere regarding ‘Youngistan’ a pun on ‘Hindustan’. What kind of nation do we want to build? Is there a nation to build at all? Is there an India? Why not call each of our states just by their individual names instead of calling the whole geographical chunk as ‘India’? How many of us agree to that proposition? None…because of some weird sense of a ‘hidden’ nationalism at the idealistic level, and economic as well as political reasons at deeper levels.  However, when it comes to positively building a nation by contributing in ways which can help those sections of the society which actually need our help, we back-off.  What kind of younger generation are we preparing for tomorrow? A generation that exists for itself? Selfishness, unscrupulousness and dishonesty in personal and professional lives — is this the kind of nation we want to give to the ‘Youngistan’? Are we building a literate mass that knows how to read and write and talk, talk ‘Hinglish’ and talk to the interview board with street-smartness not with integrity or knowledge?  I am reminded of an ad of a fairness company launching a male fairness-cream brand. The ad shows a good-looking smart male snatching away a job from the interviewers with his street-smart attitude and his good-looks. If that is what it takes to get a job these days then why are we setting up institutes of learning? We just need some companies to groom our looks and develop our power of talking confidently….

All these thoughts crossed my mind this evening…  ‘good evening’ to you as well!

What Makes Me an IITian?

Dear Readers,

Apologies for this long-long break from the blogosphere. I share with you today an article which I had written in December 2008 for the National Education Day essay competition held at my parent IIT. The essay originally had the title “Twice Born: What Makes Me an IITian”. It had won an award for the best essay. Hope you all enjoy reading it.

Happy blogging!

Anne

I came out on the chariot of the first gleam of light,
and pursued my voyage through the wildernesses of worlds leaving my track on many a star and planet.
It is the most distant course that comes nearest to thyself,
and that training is the most intricate which leads to the utter simplicity of a tune.
(“Journey Home”, Gitanjali, R.N.Tagore)

When I started my journey through the “wilderness” of research and practical rigours of training in Indian Institute of Technology Bombay (IITB), I hardly knew that my life was poised to change forever. Ruminating on the events of the past three years and ten months, I am confounded by the changes in my personality and life.

I joined IITBombay in July 2005 as a Research Scholar in the Department of Humanities and Social Sciences. It was an unconventional choice for a humanities researcher to choose a technical institution rather than the University system for intensive research. People whom I meet in conferences and seminars have asked me this question several times: “Why IIT system for a humanities person and that too a researcher in literature?” My answer has been; “Why not?” I wanted to learn at least a little of both humanities and technology. In the 21st century analysts working in any field of humanities have to deal with global terrorism, cyber crime and fragmented individual and cultural systems. It becomes imperative in this context for researchers to be well equipped with a working knowledge of latest technological developments. In IITs, we get ample opportunity to understand the subtleties both of technology and humanities. IITs give flexibility and free-flow of knowledge ecosystems to individuals who have the will and curiosity to learn. After joining IIT, not only did I get deeper insight into the nuances of my own field, but also got a working knowledge of many other disciplines like sociology, economics, philosophy, computer science, electrical engineering and physics. Today if someone queries me about the relation between visual and verbal, a Kantian worldview, Wittgensteinian concepts, a dragon economy, subaltern in Gayathri Spivak and Partha Chatterji, Dhrut and Madhyam in Hindustani classical music, I would probably not sound so lost. Similarly, I do also understand to a certain extent the significance of Wireless networking for rural India, WCDMA phones, biological research in computer sciences, Quark gluons, General and Special Theories of Relativity and particle physics – something that seem absolutely incredible considering my limited understanding of these subjects. Coming from a completely different knowledge system, I must confess that I was not aware of these research modules earlier. IIT gave me a peer group of research scholars who have given invaluable insights into different facets of research. Whether it is a formal seminar of interdisciplinary nature or an informal session in the hostel mess or a chai meet in any of the canteens, we share and enrich our existing knowledge base.

Earlier during post-graduation days, we used to get our dissertations typed by small DTP shops in our town. At school, we were given theoretical computer knowledge in terms of DOS, MS Office and some elementary know-how of C language without ever being allowed to touch the “real computer”. I had not learnt to use a computer on my own. Back home, when I was struggling to go out of the state for research, some mails that I typed and sent to Professors through the only mail id (which a friend had opened for me) in a Cyber Cafe, were either rejected or not replied to. I had not realized until I came to IIT Bombay that I was coming to a world which runs on a virtual web of email communication.

“Someone should give me a chance to prove myself”, I dreamt. Finally, IIT gave me that chance, but when I went into the course-work phases, my Quixotic romanticism vanished. The most painful part of the coursework phase was to come to terms with my own ignorance. Here, I was competing with some of the well-trained people of India, each one coming from unique educational systems. I was slow – in fact very slow in that pace. While I did not know how to type files in MS Word, how to prepare a PPT, IIT confounded me with LINUX, MATLAB, HTML and other computer related programs. Previously I had only one mail id, at IIT we had five major mail ids and all needed to be thoroughly checked at regular intervals for mails from guides and Professors or for assignment discussions. While my typing speed was pathetically slow, we were given fifteen assignments to be typed and submitted within a month’s time. There was the course seminar report additionally and the power point slides which had to be “perfect”! This was the toughest phase of my career where I was learning to unlearn many things that I had learnt in the past. IITs are special because they motivate the researcher to compete with himself/herself first before competing with others.

It was not all that easy, especially after one comes from a different work place to reinvent oneself. Many researchers come here mostly in their mid-twenties or even later and have to start from scratch. Sometimes our learning, ideologies and age inhibits us from easily accepting a system or jelling ourselves with a new system. However, the grueling process taught to me to be faster and clearer not only in my written work but also in my thoughts and in goal seeking. From lengthy confusing statements, that was a part of my writing style, I was taught to be curt and analytical. I was taught to question even if it were my own course instructors and my own work. Today when we present our paper in international conferences and seminars, this experience gives our presentation an edge over many others. I learnt to have confidence on my work, to defend it as and when required and to be patient, the last one being the most difficult part of my learning process.

Academically, there are a lot of things which if described can very well become a “self-help” treatise. I was being educated on the personal front too – starting from hostel manners to email etiquettes, from research intricacies to changing nature of personal friendships and equations. My association with Research Scholars’ Forum (RSF) and hostel life played an important role in giving insight into the psychology of people and fellow researchers. Single rooms in hostels give us that personal space where we can work and think. In the mess, it is a social gathering where people meet, talk and discuss. However, there is one aspect of researchers residing in the hostel that is slightly disturbing — the level of competition at least until the Presynopsis phase. As researchers, we need to understand that research is not just a degree which can be competed for. Of course, competition gives an incentive to work but “unhealthy comparison” is different from healthy competition. Research is a process and an individual endeavour where we cannot survive if we continue to compare ourselves with peers who seem to be “doing better”.

As a female researcher after coming to IIT many things changed. IITians take a pride in their casual style and an unkempt easy aura. When I had read the IIT lingo in the set of documents distributed to us during the Orientation program of the institute, I was amused by the definition given to girls’ hostels H-10 and H-11 as the “endangered species of IIT”. I often chuckle at the thought of being “endangered” and take a certain amount of honest pride — only an endangered species has something special in itself that demands attention.

As far as my experience of Mumbai is concerned, it has changed in these years from a culture shock to a fond liking of the campus and the city. 26th July 2005 – my first day in Mumbai and also the day of the flash floods. Our batch was a victim of the floods and some of us spent three days in the TV room of Hostel-11 while others chose to live in their labs until the flood subsided. I have sadly witnessed three major disasters that affected Mumbai in the past years – flash floods of 2005, Mumbai local train blasts in 2006 and the recent hostage crisis in CST, Taj, Oberoi and Nariman House in November 2008. The need to be accountable towards our own people acquires foremost significance. Though IITians have succeeded in career goals, we have a long way to go learning to be responsible citizens of a country that puts so much hope on IIT products. I still wonder as IITians when will we learn to pay back our people, not just in terms of money but in terms of services and intellect (which we are so proud of).

IITs are respected so much because they contribute in the overall making of an individual. Each individual has his/her own experiences, work styles and stories to narrate on the theme “how my days in IIT have helped me develop as a person”. If I were to summarize my days in IIT and all that I learnt here in three statements, it would be as follows: (a) I learnt to be humble; (b) I learnt to love my world; and (c) I learnt to forgive others and forgive myself.

Who is Interested in a PhD?

For My Readers: Some part of the content of this post is very IIT Bombay specific, related to the internal dynamics of Undergraduates (UGs) and Postgraduates (PGs) in IIT Bombay and to an ongoing event in the campus called the PG Cult and my personal experience with it. Apologies if the post doesn’t appeal to all….

Prologue: Three years ago when I joined IIT Bombay as a researcher, I was starry-eyed and full of stuffs of which dreams are made. Lot happened with me and by me in the past three years, lot of things changed including the fact that I got “tamed” to a certain extent, but still the wild-wacky passionate spirit is very much a part of my personality. There are certain things which intrigue me, anger me and trouble me deeply, the most apparent one being — who is interested in a Phd? Do PhDs need to be “pretending” perennially that they are nerds and geeks — are they not supposed to be witty, fashionable, academic and versatile? The mentality of the general public about research, research in India is extremely dicey.

Let’s begin by questioning, who is into research? People who want to get a promotion in their jobs? People who did not find a suitable job and decided to try their hands at academics?  People who are so impatient that they cannot wait for one year rigorous research to get a degree? People who fret and sulk about “jobs”, “partners” and a “hung” life?,  people who take research as integral part of their lives, as a commitment and a luxury, who feel research should make them a little more insightful and enrich them (romanticism and idealism to some extent)? All these “kinds” comprise the fraternity of researchers in any place (may be around the world, am not so sure).

Whatever it is, for the last three years, my personal endeavour has been to win respect and admiration for that “job” called “research” through our group activity called “Research Scholars’ Forum (RSF)” at IIT Bombay. Time and again our team is confounded by the same question: who is interested in a PhD? Sometimes this question is posed by research scholars who are groping in the darkness of finding a suitable topic, adjusting with the IIT ecosystem and finding a suitable supervisor; sometimes by institute authorities some of whom are divided between making IIT a place for Undergraduate excellence or Postgraduate and Research excellence; sometimes by some non-academic staffs who think researchers are being unnecessarily paid higher scholarships when they are “good-for-nothing” creatures and are just “students”; sometimes by “friends” who claim that they are being paid such-such amount in X-X organization; sometimes by parents, society who worry that these are outcasts who may not get a bride/groom; and sometimes painfully by a part of the Undergraduate IIT population who think that researchers are “second-class senior citizens” of an institute which has been basically formed for them and by them.

The list can go until an nth point but still research thrives and survives. Mysterious? Yeah…

The Story: This rather long prologue was meant to be the backdrop for a story of my personal experience, something that happened on 31st Jan…

There was a huge publicity campaign a few weeks ago regarding the “First PG Cult” (cultural) event of IIT Bombay. Many were excited as the event was meant to be for PGs (which includes the PhDS, Project Staffs, M.Phils, M.Techs). The title of the event in its promotional was: “Are you a PG I am interested in you…”. Many PhDs had never got such an opportunity to showcase their talents because the scale of Mood-Is and Techfests are too large and noisy for the quieter population of IIT. There were enthusiastic discussions, planning and gossip about the forthcoming event at our hostel mess tables. The rules were: (a) More the number of entries from one department, the more the points that are awarded to that particular department. (b) The competition is open for all PGs, M.techs, Project Staffs and PhDs.

Some of us decided to participate in all the major competitions so that we win maximum points for our department. There are two stages of this competition: (a) Stage 1: (30th and 31st Jan) Elocution, PG Idol (prelims), Paintings, Quiz, Ms. and Mr. PG (prelims); (b) Stage 2: (7th and 8th March) Dance, Dramatics, Ad Making, PG Idol (finals) and Ms. and Mr. PG (finals). I sent my entry for the on-line elimination of a speaking event called Ms. PG. Only 15 could make it for the prelims, including me. The schedule for the competition was 8pm of 31st Jan. My intention and expectation from the event was high as some of us (can speak for some friends from PhD) thought that it will give a chance to rediscover our selves and our talents. However, as often is the case in IITs, that all fun is followed by deadlines, 31st Jan was a deadline for me for a major submission. I have very high opinion about my own capabilities of multitasking and kept reminding myself that I will be able to complete my submission procedure and reach the venue of the competition on time as 8pm was far off. Kept working on the paper from morning, had a meeting with my guide in the afternoon with the pre-pre-final draft.

In the afternoon, I got a call from adviser asking me if I can reschedule the meeting for 6.30pm in the evening as he was caught up with some urgent work. I said a “yes, of course” to him and gave up the idea of being able to make it to the competition. But, some part of me kept telling me “oh we can make it”. Reached sir’s place dot at 6.30pm (he stays away from campus), had a rigorous discussion with him on the paper for the next one hour fifteen minutes and kept marking my hard copy with his suggestions, modifications and corrections, and simultaneously kept looking at my watch — 6.45pm, 7.00pm, 7.15pm,7.20pm….Finally, at 7.21pm just as we were about to finish the last dot mark on the reference page, gathered the courage to tell him, “sir, there is a PG cultural competition going on in the campus. My entry has been selected for Ms. PG, the competition begins at 8.pm. Can I go for it? I will definitely incorporate the changes suggested by you by tonight and send it to them.” Seeing me nervous and fidgety, he smiled and said, “you should have told me before…I would not have kept you so long.” He went inside quickly and got an idli and some chutney for me on a plate, gave it to me and said, “have it…you may not have had anything for tiffin. Eat this and go and remember everything is important, if academics is important so is your personal life. Go for the competition it is a very good event to prove that researchers are capable of a lot of things.” I just mumbled a “thank you” …ran down the three floors of the staircase as the lift was held up somewhere on the 7th floor…almost toppled a gentleman down on the street, vehemently stopped an auto which was being stopped by another lady (she must have thought this is a medical emergency), jumped into the auto and shouted at the autowallah with one finger raised like a shot into the air : “bhaiyaa jalddiiii! IIT campus…!” Poor chap he panicked seeing me panicky, looked helplessly at three different routes, and then drove like mad through the shortest possible route. The clock kept ticking 7.35pm… 7.40pm…7.45pm…we entered the back gate of IIT Bombay…7.52pm we were there at SAC. I offered the autowallah a twenty rupees extra, but he replied :” na didi it’s allright…aaplog ishstudent ho…zaroor kuchh kaam hoyega tabhi hum itni jaldi aye” . He scooted away and I ran to the SAC yoga room.

Congratulating myself on my diligence and punctuality, I entered the place to find no one around. The yoga room was pitch dark and latched from outside. I had no clue if the event was happening at all — I was dressed up in a slightly formal fashion as a mark of respect for the competition that I was entering into. At 8.05 pm a young gentleman came, introduced himself and said that he was both an organizer and a participant. We opened the room, switched on fans and lights and sat…sat…sat…8.45 pm…no trace of a single soul…9.00pm one or two participants turn up…9.15pm I start getting worried about my paper and there is a slight hustle-bustle, someone announcing — “judges are here!” We got alert, enter the judges. Most of them know each other, they give me an astonished glance (a PhD here? :0 ) I smile back…concealing my nervousness. We wait for some more time…some organizers call up the participants who had yet not turned up. Lazily people sit chatting, enjoying and cracking jokes….

Finally at 9.25pm the event starts,  judges casually discuss their strategy to judge these participants.There was no tailor-made format to judge the participants, that’s what appeared from their body language.  There were seven girls and eight boys in all. The judges were introduced as “Mr. X.and X…JEE rankers, CAT cracks, winner of many national competitions, B.Tech 3rd year/4th year IIT Bombay….” I couldn’t believe my ears. Cracking JEE or CAT is no doubt great, but that does not mark the end of competition and life.  A PG event where PhDs have chosen to participate is being judged by UGs? Anyway, I will compete in the game, doesn’t matter who judges, who wins and who loses.

The first round was announced: a GD round! I was not clustered in the first group. The topic that was given to the first group rhymed with the predicament of the judges: “Should UGs judge PGs?” Majority in that group kept saying that “UGs are better and more talented than PGs” . The pain of not being able to make it in the the JEE seemed to shadow the debate. Each one, had the same opinion. Then came the turn of my group in the GD, the topic that was given to us was: “should co-ed hostels be setup in IITs?” Honestly, I found the topics clever but unimpressive. However, the group was divided between men telling that a co-ed hostel is necessary and women claiming that co-ed hostels destroy “Indian” culture. I was the only female in the group who supported the idea of a co-ed hostel not because of any implicit sexual need but because co-ed hostels are a necessity considering the infrastructural limitations of IITs. I tried to tell them that the philosophy of a co-ed hostel is not to “share” rooms or “bathrooms” but to share a living space. If we think that “Indian” culture is so flimsy that it is destroyed by a co-ed hostel, then we are mistaken. Many Defence academies, IAS academy, TIFR have co-ed hostels. No one’s modesty or cultural values are outraged because you share a wing or a living space with someone from the “other” sex. Anyway, I made it to round 2 after an elimination of the 15 to 12 and it was 10.00 pm by then…

The second round was something which went completely against my personal ideologies. The round was named: “Quote-Unquote” where you have to speak for a topic the moment judges give the signal and change your stance in no time as judges clap for you to speak against the topic. We used to have this competition in school when our English teacher taught us “conversation skills” in class. I myself had used this tactics as a Lecturer in Communication Skills class for first year B.Techs. The format showed the apathy of judges and their gross disregard for the competitors who are of PG level. But, I decided to fight back, now it was an intoxication rather than a competition for me and I thought  if that’s what it takes to prove that we are good (researchers) then I will prove it. I was given the topic “Valentine’s Day goes against Indian culture” … managed to do a fairly good job of it. The judges went on with each participant for more than 7 minutes with each participant….I had not thought the event will go on for so long.

Now, I felt helpless,looked at the watch and it was quarter to 11. Thought, better give it up,  nothing is more important than my deadline. I told a “quit” to the judges and organizers, voiced my opinion that even though I did not like the format, yet I tried my best to keep competing, and finally came out of the venue. I was hungry and sad…. The competition was not merely a “cultural” competition, but it meant a lot for some of us. I had no friends with me to cheer me up. There were tears in my eyes — tears of my stubborn ego, tears of frustration, tears of loneliness and tears of ageing. Yeah, I felt I am growing old for the first time in my life…my spirit doesn’t go with the content of the world….I asked myself: “is there anyone who is interested in PhDs, their lives and their activities?”

I walked to Gulmohur, ordered for a Dal-Khichdi…fortunately was just on time for the last servings of Gulmohur. Had my dinner, walked to Hemant’s lab (I was afraid of this loneliness), borrowed his laptop and started with the editing job of my paper. The moment I saw my paper, I was jolted back and cheered up — yeah this is my life! Cleared  the clouds of desperation and typed vehemently until 4.30 am, when I finally sent the paper to an international destination. Came back to room, slept barely for a few hours, woke up by 8.30 am to check for any revisions in the sent draft. Found  some errors and retyped and resent the paper once again. I went finally to a peaceful sleep at 10.00 am and woke up at 4.00 pm in the afternoon when my guide called up saying: “good morning! I realized you haven’t slept through the night as I got the copy of your paper at 4.30 am. So how was the competition? Did you make it? ” My throat choked and I had only half a line: “sorry sir…I couldn’t…”.

Epilogue: I still did not give up. Wrote feedback mails to the organizers, to the present coordinator of Research Scholars’ Forum and the PG Nominee acad.  Some fellow researchers who went for other competitions like elocution and painting had similar experiences. Some of them used my mails as rejoinder mails. But, who cares for the real “aamjunta“? Neither the RSF co nor the PG Nominee bothered to reply even in a one-liner. One of the organizers replied with a non-committal “we will take note of your points” kind of answer. But, there was no concrete response. When I met the RSF co he said that “this involves all PGs and not just researchers, so I can’t interfere.” I don’t understand the politics involved in choosing between UGs and PGs, I don’t understand the “procedures” of approaching, all that I understand is unless researchers whether Postgraduates or PhDs  understand and respect themselves, no one will respect them or their position. Research doesn’t mean only academics, research means life and love…we are the ones who can bring the real small/big changes.

And here, the change is big, coming in small packets though.  The initial fight might seem insignificant to some, but the fight has gathered momentum down the line in both the number and arguments. Looks like the second phase of the event will no longer be judged by the UGs. The more the number of the RSs participating, the more vigorous will be the change, not only in PG Cult, but also in other institute activities.

But, one thing I learnt from the entire episode, “don’t give up, fight till the end for justice. It will come some day, sooner or later”

Sunrise to Sunrise: a Day’s Work @IIT

By The Powai Lake

” A day’s work at IIT“… tough theme…. Each one here is peculiar in his/her working style, time-table and pace. Perhaps, you will find all varieties of working styles and personal choices in people here. But, since we are more acquainted with the research ecosystem of IIT Bombay, we will discuss about the researchers and their lives. If you observe researchers closely for a few months, you can write a thesis on the people working here, their lives and their behavioral patterns.

From ultra work freaks who spend 24X7 in the labs to people who spend 24×7 in hostels — sleeping, watching movies, roaming around unshaven/unbathed for days or taking more beauty sleeps than required, you will find all sorts of people here. From hyper-social to hypo-social, atheists to ascetics, geniuses to mediocrity, each one is a sample in their own right. In the last three and half years, I have had the privilege of watching, talking and observing my fellow specimens from a close perspective. Again the course work phases are different from the post-coursework times. But an average day for a researcher differs in its output and magnitude. Sometimes the day doesn’t move beyond a 0.00 output and at other times it just soars into +100. Well, I am a sample in my own way .

Let’s narrate the story of “Radha”, another researcher at IIT Bombay and get a peek-a-boo into her life and working style.

Radha snaps angrily at the alarm clock buzzing next to her bed at 9.00 am (early morning!!). She decides a 10 minutes snooze will do the job of getting her a little more accomplished sleep. The 10 minutes snooze moves into a 20 minutes snooze, and again to a 30 minute snooze. Every time, Radha wakes up with the buzz and she decides a 10 more minutes of sleep will do the job, she doesn’t forget even in her deepest dream to put the alarm into snooze. From 9.00am the alarm keeps snoozing and buzzing…till its 10.00 am…and then…the phone rings! Still half asleep, Radha takes the call and droopingly says…“heeeeeeelooo! who..os that?” the voice on the other side curtly replies…

“Hello, Radha are you busy? I want you to meet me by 10.30 am sharp and don’t be late.”

Lol!!!!! all sleep vanishes with the “hello”…

Guide!! … .

Wiping away traces of the last lovely sleep, Radha is alert and wide awake, “Oh no maam/sir! I am just coming back from the breakfast table. Of course, I am ready! Will be there @ your office by 10.30 am sharp! Thank you maam/sir!” She struts out of the bed rubbing her eyes badly, hits the bed post, curses it loudly: “damn! why do I always have a zero ground clearance?” and runs.

Oh! Gosh! Only thirty minutes left to go to the department!! Radha takes the brush and face wash…pours the largest quantity of face wash and literally bruises her facial skin in order to remove the last traces of sleep. The face wash goes hand in hand with brushing…one hand you hold the brush and the other you keep massaging your face with the face wash – in the last few years Radha has become an expert in multitasking and “risk management” … . While brushing, she decides, “OK will come back after the meeting and take a bath… can’t afford that luxury sweety!” Hunts the almairah for some decent salwar kameez…but “oh gosh! forgot to iron them after washing… forget the salwar kameez! Let me hunt for that jeans which I wore last week…oh here it is!” Promptly a tee-shirt and jeans is hunted out, Radha changes into it…forgets to comb her unkempt hair… looks at the watch…10.20am…picks her bag and runs downstairs. She hunts into her bag for a Tum-Tum ticket, but… “oh! heck! I left the ticket bunch in my last to last jeans pocket! I put that jeans in the washing machine…It must have been cleaned away along with the jeans. Ok, let’s get an auto-rickshaw.” No auto in the vicinity, have to walk to the department! Through the entire distance people observe Radha mumbling curses to herself, “Dammn! I shouldn’t sleep so much! Why God, why does it happen with me! ” People smile at Radha and she’s oblivious of the world.

10.35 am: Radha reaches department, panting, red-faced (the way from girl’s hostel to the academic area is a steep hillock)… Guide is already there in his/her office. Radha takes a second to calm down before entering the office, forces a smile, “May I come in”…Guide looks at the watch and looks up at Radha from his/her computer stifles a smile and sternly says…”Come in Radha…you are still five minutes late. Anyway, come in, sit and drink some water. I want you to tell me your progress. What happened to the book that I gave you two weeks ago? Have you read that? Can you summarize it for me?”

She has not even opened the Preface page of the book . But…”Oh yes! Actually you see I am still stuck in the tenth page of first chapter. I didn’t get the philosophy behind the lines of the sixth paragraph, but I forgot to get that book today else you could have helped me understand …” . Guide cuts her short, “Alright… I got it! You take one more week and come back next time with the complete summary. Radha when will you increase your pace…I am worried about you” … Radha looks out of her guide’s office window, spots a chimpanzee making faces at her from a branch of the tree outside, immediately averts her gaze and thinks, “yeah I have to increase my pace…will work day and night from today and “STUDY”!How happy that chimpanzee is…it doesn’t have to write a thesis.” The guide understands and looks at her speculatively asking, “is everything Ok?” … “Yeah…yeah…fine…I wrote that paper…it’s almost complete“. Some more sessions in the meeting and Radha comes out of the office, panting and puffing, determined to work more diligently.

12.00noon: Radha comes to her lab from guide’s office…sees that others are lost in books, papers and notes. She walks seriously and grabs a PC hurriedly, opens her own books, opens her paper that she’s been editing since last four weeks and seriously decides to “STUDY” ! One half page later, she thinks…“Oh some important mails…I haven’t checked my mails since morning” …. Opens her Gmail, GPO, Yahoo, Rediff … EE mail and ponders over them, including the forwards. Suddenly, people start popping out from chat boxes of her Gmail… “Hey Radha…”, “hi Radha”…“did you see Rab Ne? Slum Dog Millionaire” … Radha happily chats with the red, green chat buttons….

And then… “Radha! are you busy? Please come after you finish to my office…have to give you some papers to review”! … Guide! …He/she saw her chatting, Radha knocks her head down on the table…“yes sir/maam coming in a moment…!”

1.15pm: Tired and bugged with her half day stint Radha decides to go back to hostel for food and decides to “STUDY” in the afternoon. Hostel-11 mess is crowded…Radha grabs a chair close to some friends and colleagues. Puts her bag to reserve her seat, goes inside the mess to get a plate…comes out to get food…realizes that she forgot to get bowls for dal and curd … goes inside to get two bowls…. She is starving! The food is chawal and lauki sabzi (a kind of vegetable), she makes a face at the sabzi, quickly serves herself some dal-chawal, pickle and curd…comes back to the place she had reserved for herself…all her friends have already finished and left. Tired…her hunger by this time is already forgotten. “But oh heck! I forgot to get a spoon and a glass of water…Shit! Why am I a researcher?” …She rushes back all the way inside the kitchen and gets a spoon and a glass of water…quickly pushes spoonfuls of food, keeps her plate at the wash area, ascends the three-storey B-wing to her room in the third floor .

2.00pm : Radha loves her room…neat, gorgeous and a girl’s heaven. It’s a den in the afternoon, you pull the curtains and it becomes a cool-dark cave. She decides to get up at 3.30pm and “STUDY!” … Takes her favourite quilt, sleeps….zzzz…..

5.30pm: Phone buzzes… Radha wakes up with a start. “Is this a missed call for breakfast or tiffin? It’s morning or is it evening? ” Radha can’t decide…she keeps rubbing her eyes…but the clock refuses to budge from a “5″ and a “30″ pm … . Determined to “STUDY” she goes downstairs with her satchel, eats and gossips with friends…6.00pm, 6.30pm…”Oh I have to run to the department” …. Gets up, walks with her bag towards the department…half way down…she talks to herself , “evening is beautiful, in fact poetic…let’s go to the lake side for a short-brisk walk…an evening walk boosts memory power scientists say” … And, then she scoots down the convo road, takes a short-cut and lands near the Powai lake. The evening is gorgeous indeed! Radha sits “evening-dreaming” …spots a young couple (probably B.Techs) sitting close to each other and talking sweet nothings…. Radha decides that after she “STUDIES” she will like to have such a boy friend …. The clock says it’s 8.15pm…”Oh God why Does this clock run marathons! Dinner time! Why did I come to lake side? can’t go to department now…will go back have dinner and “STUDY” “…

8.30pm: Mess, same people, same faces, same gossips…. One girl says: “you know I have twenty five papers accepted in thirty two journals, 30 conference papers and a handful of corporate offers with a package of 28lakhs p.a” …. Another lady keeps asking, “so when are you submitting your thesis? I have been here only for a year and half …I am ready with my pre-synopsis” …. Radha thinks “I will go to my room and “STUDY” ” Another beauty conscious lady suggests “Radha why don’t you do something about your pimples? And for god’s sake stop wearing those grey tees and red-framed specs…you look so god-damn oldie!” There’s another lady who’s ultra-interested in others’ lives and other people’s researches. She knows the “a,b,c…z” of everyone’s personal and professional lives, including who joined PhD in which lab, who left PhD from which lab…. Radha too has her share of gossips, she discusses the couple sitting by the lake side and in her stupidly romantic clichés, she manages to extract a mass sigh: “hmmmmmmm”….

9.30pm: Back to room…all quiet on every front. Radha opens her books, papers and really “STUDIES” till 12.00 midnight…. LAN Ban in hostel and so no more work …

12.05am: Movie time! Radha had downloaded her favourite Dev Anand movie from DC++ …. She’s lost in Dev Anand and his left-bent puffed hairstyle and sings loudly with him: “badal bijlee chandan pani jaisa apna pyar lena hoga janam humein kayee-kayee bar… aaa…”

1.00am: Knock! Knock! Radha, still singing with Dev Anand, goes to open the door…”didi can you lower the volume of your singing and of your movie…we have our assignment and midterms!” “Oh sure!” Radha comes back fuming, gives a kick to her sound box so that it stops playing, shuts down her PC and mutters mimicking her neighbour: “didi! volume…unhh! when we have APS these people dance on the floor on ‘bidi jaleyile’ and now my Dev Anand, my sweet Dev Anand is creating problem for their assignment! Bull s****!”

2.30am: Still no sleep…Radha keeps turning and twisting…and with each turn she decides to “wake up early in the morning…do some Yoga…take a bath (she could not bathe the entire day)…pray God…and “STUDY!” She tinkers with her phone, then sets it to FM mode and a voice huskily announces: “doston yeh hai Akashwani aur aap sun rahe hain FM Rainbow… main hoon apka pyara humsafar Milind Inamdar aur yeh hai humara show “Dil se”…aaj humare paas jo dil aya hai woh hai padhne wala dil …jo dil ek nazar mein sab kuchh padh sake” and then the RJ plays, “kitaben bahut si padhi hongi tumne magar koi chehra bhi tumne padha hai?” (Transl. “Friends this is All India Radio and you are listening to FM Rainbow. I am your friend Milind and this show is called “Dil Se”. Today we have the studious heart on our show, the heart which can read eyes”) Radha is now satisfied, she sets her alarm for “9.oo am” and with every new song slowly trails to sleeeeeeppp and in her dreams decides to “STUDY”!

10.00am: Phone rings, “Radha! can you come…?”

P.N.: This is a fictional character and the only resemblance that it has to any person dead or living is “Anne De plume” …. But it’s just one aspect of our daily lives…there are many more….I thank my readers to have extracted the “honest” narration from Iris … But, on a serious note this perpetual thought of “STUDY” is common to all researchers in IIT Bombay and this thought itself is enough to keep you always on your toes and makes research such a gratifying job.

Shhh… APS Time :(

Happy Singh was unhappy today…

Happy called me in the noon and asked me with a voice bordering on a whisper: “did you finish that stuff? how’s it going?” I replied back with a matching anxious tone: “not very good…I am stuck in the 15th page”. Happy Singh almost burst out into a hoarse cry: “what!! 15 pages! My God! I have not crossed the 6th page as yet” … My being in mid-ocean in the 15th page proved to be no consolation for poor Happy…so he decided to vent his anxiety at someone else… who might be stuck in the 5th page.

I’m sure anyone who’s reading the stuff will think I have gone nuts. First, I don’t publish my usual weekend blog entry on time (unforgivable :X ) and second when I am writing stuff, I am writing nuts. Well, so let me make it clear — there two seasons overlapping each other, one is the monsoon in Mumbai which invites you to freak out (if you love rains) and the other season is the APS season in IITB (Annual Progress Seminar) that stops you from any freak out business. The two seasons paradoxically overlap each other and create a problematic clash. So, that’s what we are going through right now — shhh APS hai!

The problem in the description of an APS season actually lies in how to describe it? Anyone doing PhD in IIT Bombay will understand exactly what do I mean. But, people including parents and friends who have not had the delicacy called PhD on their platter, think that July-August is a time when we simply go crazy! :O …Mom calls up to say: “beta there’s no water supply in our taps for the last two days” — I irritably respond: “oho! Don’t disturb…give me two years I will setup a Pepsi plant for you…now keep the phone down…write two pages of complaints and send that to the plumber!” … Imagine her confusion? This APS thing haunts every Research Scholar who joins the institute. Year by year we present our “yearly” (I would say some of us do it only before APS) progress before a panel of experts. Year after year we confront our ignorance on the APS day — and believe me it’s not such a happy meeting.

People behave in a certain way during the APS season, which if you observe carefully is quite interesting. Someone like me, is in all likelihood to bump into any speeding vehicle that goes on the road, while thinking what quotation to add as a filler to the 3rd chapter of my report (not everyone has the guts to laugh at themselves, I do), or else I might just end up waving a huge “Hi” to a complete stranger while take my next door neighbor as a brick on my bedroom wall. Some of us, just look at each other and gain consolation by seeing how tensed the other poor APS ridden soul is (sadistic, but true) … while some bury themselves in a pile of books and papers and library materials that have been lying in dust post-last APS . In fact, last Friday I realized that I had thrown away some of the papers during my room’s white wash that I needed for this APS. . Some others start pursuing the panel members even in their dreams and get nervous if there is even a slight change in the expression of any of the experts of their committee. While, some simply are cool customers, who think APS is merely a hindrance in their daily dose of intensive research. I just look with unfulfilled greed at every new movie realizing in Huma Adlabs .

On the APS day throats parch, hands sweat and I curse myself for every other party that I had attended for the last one year. But post-APS, it’s another round of parties, movies and masti for the next nth point of time … Each year if the APS goes safely — it’s like a major operation, I don’t forget to visit the nearest temple in new clothes and coconut, also go to the church “thanking Him” and also attempt to visit the Dargah.

But for the time being… SHHH! DON’T DISTURB … I have to submit by tomorrow.

From Gpo to Gmail…

The software boom in the recent era has produced big names like Bill Gates and Narayan Murthy. Both have stepped down from their offices after ruling the corporate for many decades. They are great people — but, this entry is not meant to be a biography of these veterans. My being in IIT is partly their contribution.

No, I mean, they do not know me…nor do I know them personally, and neither have I come here with their sifarish. But they gave me the “desktop thing” and “i-explorer” and many such softwares, which brought me to this place for good or bad. I surfed the “Net” for places where I can be pedantic … was brought here for a research in humanities. Alright! Let’s give up pretending… I do not know a single word of IT or Computer Science or any other technology for that matter and still I am in IIT. Some souls like me are too in this place; in the same or in different subjects. This is the place where every moment you need to justify your own existence. I enjoy the moments when I am asked by techno friends with a certain degree of vanity,“what research are you doing?” And I retort with a practiced nonchalance: “huh! I am researching Von Humboldt and some Einstein”. They gasp in shocked disbelief and I mutter to myself: chakde India. Somehow a diabolical satisfaction. It was Quixotic on my part to be here — I wholly agree (?).

But, then there is a secret devilish pleasure in justification. Hopeless romanticism heh? The place taught me the grammar of ruthless competition. I was first taught with biting sarcasm and scathing criticsm (memories are still green) as to how to write a simple mail. From mails to men, learning is an art — things don’t come to you simply. I am in the process of that learning. Look at my fortune — I am writing blogs! Whoa! No, I don’t intend to make you jealous! Neither have I achieved so much that I can boast of greatness.

My purpose here is to narrate the predicament of a poor researcher who ‘re-searches’/'researches’ with honesty in “ARTS” (some call that “humanities”). But… at the end of the day, you are told: “you are not an engineer” or “you cannot be an academician because you do not come from there” — “sorry no vacancy”. The unfortunate part of research in “ARTS” is that we are likely to starve because of our sincerity and choices. Every moment the world that we live in reminds me of the untrodden path ; family says “you have to be in a marriage or a job”; bankers from whom I seek for a loan to make my ends meet tell me how I have let my father down by choosing the untrodden path; some say what am I doing here?; Friends say, “ah! what fun! you are not a techno but in a technical insti — enjoy yaar! kabhi padhti-wadhti bhi hai kya? ” .

There are supposedly no other openings for arts graduates other than “teaching” and that too is slowly becoming a dream. In colleges, Arts faculties are being closed down because of lesser intake; everyone wants to be an engineer or doctor or a management guru.

And I — I feel shattered but still say arrogantly: papa don’t preach…!!

Hardly students with high score opt for a career in humanities after 10+2. Is there not a necessity for good students in these streams of education? To be frank what are the incentives for humanities’ research In India? Why should one loose the crucial 4-5 years for research in humanities? Apart from few sponsorship what are the means of survival for people who might be very good academically? If there could have been some incentives from Govt/Private partnerships or any Microsoft fellowship/Infosys fellowship/Google fellowships, then perhaps, it would have been a little better.

Such is then the kismet of an “ARTS” researcher. So what do we do? We live in Divine Discontent without an expectation of a great tomorrow. This divine discontent leads us from Gpo (GPO is the mail service of IIT Bombay) to Gmail (the title of this blog is burrowed from conversations with my friend living in the same floor) , from Yahoo Messenger to Gtalk, from Orkut to Facebook — a vagabond existence. We cannot sit with the paan wala or the chai dukaan because of the acquired vanity of the “elite”, so keep shuttling from one mail box to another. When I visit my neighbours, on being asked as to what is going on in their lives, they reply with sarcastic humour “gpo to gmail”. From morning through late night we keep on checking our emails, in empty inboxes. Early morning I wake up, immediately start my computer, checking if there are any mails. I go to the department, check all the mails with pious devotion to see if there are new mails, comeback to my hostel room and open all the mailboxes again… and the cycle continues. Through the day till late at night, checking and rechecking the mailboxes have become a compulsive drive in me and many others like me.

The society hardly takes research in humanities as a serious passion. Then, how does one expect to produce quality work? I suppose India intends to “PRODUCE” (this being a consumer’s world) Narayan Murthys and Ambanis for the future…but probably it has no plans to have another Sarojini Naidu, Amartya Sen or Tagore, either in the near or in the distant future. You can be proud of an Amitav Ghosh or an A. K. Ramanujan when they have produced their major works abroad. You can scramble to claim whether these writers are from “diaspora” or “native” worlds, but you do not have the guts to invest your resources in making another such writer/researcher for this country.