On Summer Vacations…

As promised Iris is back with her weekend post. Summer vacations are starting here and perhaps everywhere, wherever there is a summer. As someone who is into teaching, it feels like an extension of my own life when I watch students booking their tickets, picking up their bags, and excitedly boarding the crowded trains and buses.

Summer vacations have had a great value in the psyche of the great Indian middle class student population. This is the time when you get to meet families, friends, cousins, grandparents…. This is usually the time for holiday homework if you are in school, UG exams if you are not in the semester system of a college, camps if you have the luxury of spending money, traveling back home if you are in hostels, or chilling out at home with families if you are not far off.

As vacations approach, I am transported into flashback mode through various layers of my own life. Summer vacations have always meant a lot to me. At school it meant that I don’t have to wake up at 7 am and get ready for school at 8.00 am, meeting my grandparents and cousins who were living in other states across India, the class 9th and class 11th summer vacations meant doing Maths :( and finishing courses for the coming year.  In college vacations meant going back home from hostel and meeting my three best friends of school days living in different engineering college hostels, during PG summer vacations meant crying while leaving friends and hostel to forcibly go home,  in IIT summer vacations meant time to brace up for the Progress Seminars, series meetings with guide and panel, and chilling out in the evenings by CCD with friends….

Strange na? There are certain phases of our lives that become a culture in themselves without our knowing. It’s only when you start thinking in retrospect that you realize that these were milestone days of your own life. People who know me personally and have been friends when read this post, will tease me — “she talks as if she is gonna die of old age next moment :) !” However, who knows how long we live?

Vacations have been always important for everyone including me. Let me recount some of these phases. This is the time when Indian government announces special trains, this is the time when plans are made to enjoy, celebrate, or break the monotony of routine life. This is the time when you learn what is not conventionally taught to you.  If you had an uncle/uncles working in defense, this is the time when they used to come back home on what is called “warrant” and bring goodies for everryyyooonnnee in the family and extended family.

I had unique experiences of summer vacation as a child. Going back to my own kiddie days, some uncle would come to pick me up from my parents’ place and take me to my maternal grandparents house in the first phase of the vacations. As the only girl in the entire family, for years, I was the reigning queen at my maternal grandparents place. Grandpa was a great influence on me — he would make me sit in the early evenings on the terrace and teach me the names of the stars and teach me the position of the “Great bear” (Saptarshi) as the early stars started twinkling in the firmament. He would talk about Charles Dickens or R. N. Tagore and teach me to read little stories from Panchatantra as early as my first or second class summer vacation. He would ask me to read stories from my English Reader book and I still remember reading to him “David and Goliath” or “Marriage of Heaven and Earth” or “Late Kate” (I became a Late Kate in life myself:) ). Grandma would join us soon and teach me stotrams from Vedas and other scriptures, pooja and naivaidyam (as I grew up I considered these extremely Brahmanical and used to fight them). In fact, by the first or second summer vacation of class-I or class-II I was proficient in stotrams chanting: “shuklamvaramdhram vishnu shashi varnam chaturbhujam…” (don’t want translate it now). 

Little anklets were bought for me during my class-I summer vacation and a dance teacher was hired to teach me classical Odissi dance  (I must be around four years then because my parents were in an extraordinary hurry to send me off to school soon) . The anklets were actually heavier than my own weight :( … and I hated the teacher who taught me dance, because we were subjected to one and half hours of bols and taals some of which I did not understand an iota. However, in the long run dance was something that gave me a complete  freedom of expression when no amount of writing helped.

During the later half of the vacation, my parents would come and take me and my brother off to our paternal grandparents home in the village. This was diametrically opposite an experience than the small town experience of my mom’s home. Here we were with 20 other kids of aunts and uncles and distant relatives. No one kept a tab on our activities because mothers and aunts were busy in the kitchen with their pallus covering their heads, holding huge ladles and  cooking for 50 people during lunch and dinner. Sometimes when caught unawares during afternoons, mom would give one tight chide for recklessly playing through the entire day. However, they never dared open their mouths to scold us in front of grandparents. We would roam around and roll around on the sand mounds and play with little kids, running and rolling the bicycle wheel with them. I was sometimes treated as a little princess because mom would dress me up very tidily in a red frock and a red cap. I would then be carried by my youngest uncle on to the bed and all the children would encircle me on the floor, I would lisp and prattle to them all that I had learnt at school and at my maternal grandparents place. By the time I would be back home mom would get shocked to see the frock dirty beyond a second wear. I do not remember very well — but Hemant (my cousin, a little older than I)  recounts that I used to dance on the thatch attics during vacation, when either grandma or ma would come after  me with a stick :) . He being the quieter, studious one would just laugh while I was into the mischief. Everyone would cite his example to me as a fantastic student, and me the good-for-nothing black-sheep. After many many years we were to meet at IIT as colleagues simultaneously doing research and competing with each other. Life plays strange games .

There were some characters  and activities specific to our childhood summer vacations — the Pani-puri wallah, the imli and lozenges (orange was my favourite flavour) wallah, the Kufi wallah, and the sugar-candy wallah. These forbidden foods were the favourite foods among us children. Moms were extra careful that we shouldn’t buy and eat these stuff in the afternoon — but there is always a way if there is a will. We practiced the principle of beg or borrow or break your savings box to eat these :D .Sometimes grandparents were too kind, sometimes if we ran errands for aunts or uncles then a 2 rs was given to us as an award for just one malai kulfi. Those days the kulfi wallah would play the bells on his trolley to attract children, and as we hovered around his trolley with 2rs each in hand. I loved to watch how deftly he brings out the sleek, ice-cold kulfi from the iron/tin covers — yummmiee!

There was a favourite activity — inevitably every summer during the vacation, there would be a hailstorm (called “mango showers”) with thunder storm, and large droplets of frozen ice falling from the sky. We would run out to the courtyard, pick-up the pieces of frozen ice on our palm, run back, coat them with sugar and lickk, lickk, lickk :) . During the afternoons all of us were paraded to bed after lunch with one of the family members escorting  singing lullaby, or scolding for being naughty. But, we were extremely clever — we demanded for a story, and the narrator would herself/ himself fall asleep during the storytelling, and we would sneak out of bed :) . Then the pillows would be torn beyond recognition, glass plates would be broken to pieces, the center table would be upturned and used as a boat with two of us sitting inside and two others pushing it, rowing it on the carpet :P .  Rest of the time we would be sitting on the guava branches, storming the guava tree in our courtyard. The excess of game would always drive us to fall sick before the vacation ended and the last phase would be a trauma of its own kind. Last moment holiday homework, fever, seeing off cousins and crying endlessly at the railway station, hating parents for bringing us back to home and school — vacations were coulourful.

The meaning of summer vacations change as you grow older. The learning also changes. By class 5th or 6th, during vacations my interest went to card-playing, learning Indian constitution, and quizzing from uncles, and reading a lot of Enid Blytons (permitted) and Sherlock Holmes (stole from grandpa’s book case). The moment mom would catch me playing cards, I would get the scolding of a lifetime for behaving ‘ungirl-ly’ types. Slowly, our movement during the vacations got restricted due to pressure of studies and growing up. During teenage years, vacations became a casualty for my parents — because I would be rude, grumpy, peevish and extremely isolated. During these years would like to talk to no one except grandpa and my books. He gave me a diary during the class-ix th vacation and said “if you feel angry then open this diary and write your thoughts” — that’s how I officially began to learn to write. Recently, while relocating from our old residence, my brother found this diary from some dump yard.  He laughed when he told me over phone, “I never knew you hated me, mom and dad so much” :P .  I would spend my time day dreaming with a book, or picking up jasmine flowers from the garden and making garlands, or listening to songs in a walkman presented to me on my birthday. Moms did not allow us to go out anywhere during our visits to our village and movement completely got restricted.

Then came college and university years, defiance, fun, break-away, get-to-together and reunions marked the phase. Those were the years when everyone was in love — my best friends had already found their soulmates about whom I got to hear for nights when they returned during vacations. Amazing it was to listen about them, my own love story never taking off because I was too peevish and too ugly. This was the time when my writing talents best came to use — I was writing love letters. No seriously, love letters for everyone except myself :( . The good part of the vacation story is that fortunately all of them are now married to those poor souls at whom the letters were aimed :P . As husbands, by now they know who the real writer was of the letters that has got them their disasters . The post-B.tech and post-B.A. vacations were busy when all my close friends got married off, or moved to different countries, and I was left alone. Distance does affect friendships and priorities also change. After many years  spoke to my closest friend a year back, and she said: “ Your letter got me married and now our kid is named after you….”. Her husband said “we keep on calling your name always because your friend wouldn’t like any name except yours for the baby”.

In the university, vacations meant crying and being forced to go back home. A bunch of friends coming to the station to drop you off and crying holding the train railings as if Indian Railways would stop with their tears :p .

Then, came IIT when summers become the busiest time of the year — studies, seminars, conferences, and dinners at Pizza Hut or Mocha. Vacations are the times when we spend the major time in lab, wear that distressed, depressed look of the researcher, or spend hours by Powai lake philosophizing on the nature of life and death. This used to be the time when you thought of nothing except seminar reports and guide :) .

Time has passed….The meanings have changed…..These days children play on their PS-3 or computer, and spend time in malls buying their own clothes. We knew nothing of these luxuries. Yesterday I was signing the room allotment lists, and vacation leave forms — felt strange. There is one art which I have not tried to learn during summers — cooking. Let’s see if I can manage learning some special dishes these vacations.

Next week, let us meet in the vacation weekend. Do share your experiences and pranks on summer vacations. Till then,

Put away the books, we’re out of school
The weather’s warm but we’ll play it cool
We’re on vacation, havin’ lots of fun
V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N in the summer sun

We’re gonna grab a bite at the pizza stand
Write love letters in the sand
We’re on vacation and the world is ours
V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N under summer stars. (“Vacation” by Connie Francis)

Sunrise to Sunrise: a Day’s Work @IIT

By The Powai Lake

By The Powai Lake

” A day’s work at IIT“… tough theme…. Each one here is peculiar in his/her working style, time-table and pace. Perhaps, you will find all varieties of working styles and personal choices in people here. But, since we are more acquainted with the research ecosystem of IIT Bombay, we will discuss about the researchers and their lives. If you observe researchers closely for a few months, you can write a thesis on the people working here, their lives and their behavioral patterns.

From ultra work freaks who spend 24X7 in the labs to people who spend 24×7 in hostels — sleeping, watching movies, roaming around unshaven/unbathed for days or taking more beauty sleeps than required, you will find all sorts of people here. From hyper-social to hypo-social, atheists to ascetics, geniuses to mediocrity, each one is a sample in their own right. In the last three and half years, I have had the privilege of watching, talking and observing my fellow specimens from a close perspective. Again the course work phases are different from the post-coursework times. But an average day for a researcher differs in its output and magnitude. Sometimes the day doesn’t move beyond a 0.00 output and at other times it just soars into +100. Well, I am a sample in my own way ;) .

Let’s narrate the story of “Radha”, another researcher at IIT Bombay and get a peek-a-boo into her life and working style.

Radha snaps angrily at the alarm clock buzzing next to her bed at 9.00 am (early morning!!). She decides a 10 minutes snooze will do the job of getting her a little more accomplished sleep. The 10 minutes snooze moves into a 20 minutes snooze, and again to a 30 minute snooze. Every time, Radha wakes up with the buzz and she decides a 10 more minutes of sleep will do the job, she doesn’t forget even in her deepest dream to put the alarm into snooze. From 9.00am the alarm keeps snoozing and buzzing…till its 10.00 am…and then…the phone rings! Still half asleep, Radha takes the call and droopingly says…“heeeeeeelooo! who..os that?” the voice on the other side curtly replies…

“Hello, Radha are you busy? I want you to meet me by 10.30 am sharp and don’t be late.”

Lol!!!!! all sleep vanishes with the “hello”

Guide!! :P … .

Wiping away traces of the last lovely sleep, Radha is alert and wide awake, “Oh no maam/sir! I am just coming back from the breakfast table. Of course, I am ready! Will be there @ your office by 10.30 am sharp! Thank you maam/sir!” She struts out of the bed rubbing her eyes badly, hits the bed post, curses it loudly: damn! why do I always have a zero ground clearance?” and runs.

Oh! Gosh! Only thirty minutes left to go to the department!! Radha takes the brush and face wash…pours the largest quantity of face wash and literally bruises her facial skin in order to remove the last traces of sleep. The face wash goes hand in hand with brushing…one hand you hold the brush and the other you keep massaging your face with the face wash – in the last few years Radha has become an expert in multitasking and “risk management” :) … . While brushing, she decides, “OK will come back after the meeting and take a bath… can’t afford that luxury sweety!” Hunts the almairah for some decent salwar kameez…but “oh gosh! forgot to iron them after washing… forget the salwar kameez! Let me hunt for that jeans which I wore last week…oh here it is!” Promptly a tee-shirt and jeans is hunted out, Radha changes into it…forgets to comb her unkempt hair… looks at the watch…10.20am…picks her bag and runs downstairs. She hunts into her bag for a Tum-Tum ticket, but… “oh! heck! I left the ticket bunch in my last to last jeans pocket! I put that jeans in the washing machine…It must have been cleaned away along with the jeans. Ok, let’s get an auto-rickshaw.” No auto in the vicinity, have to walk to the department! Through the entire distance people observe Radha mumbling curses to herself, “Dammn! I shouldn’t sleep so much! Why God, why does it happen with me! ” People smile at Radha and she’s oblivious of the world.

10.35 am: Radha reaches department, panting, red-faced (the way from girl’s hostel to the academic area is a steep hillock)… Guide is already there in his/her office. Radha takes a second to calm down before entering the office, forces a smile, “May I come in”…Guide looks at the watch and looks up at Radha from his/her computer stifles a smile and sternly says…”Come in Radha…you are still five minutes late. Anyway, come in, sit and drink some water. I want you to tell me your progress. What happened to the book that I gave you two weeks ago? Have you read that? Can you summarize it for me?”

She has not even opened the Preface page of the book :P . But…”Oh yes! Actually you see I am still stuck in the tenth page of first chapter. I didn’t get the philosophy behind the lines of the sixth paragraph, but I forgot to get that book today else you could have helped me understand …” . Guide cuts her short, “Alright… I got it! You take one more week and come back next time with the complete summary. Radha when will you increase your pace…I am worried about you” … Radha looks out of her guide’s office window, spots a chimpanzee making faces at her from a branch of the tree outside, immediately averts her gaze and thinks, “yeah I have to increase my pace…will work day and night from today and “STUDY”!How happy that chimpanzee is…it doesn’t have to write a thesis.” :( The guide understands and looks at her speculatively asking, “is everything Ok?” “Yeah…yeah…fine…I wrote that paper…it’s almost complete“. Some more sessions in the meeting and Radha comes out of the office, panting and puffing, determined to work more diligently.

12.00noon: Radha comes to her lab from guide’s office…sees that others are lost in books, papers and notes. She walks seriously and grabs a PC hurriedly, opens her own books, opens her paper that she’s been editing since last four weeks and seriously decides to “STUDY” ! One half page later, she thinks…“Oh some important mails…I haven’t checked my mails since morning” …. Opens her Gmail, GPO, Yahoo, Rediff … EE mail ;) and ponders over them, including the forwards. Suddenly, people start popping out from chat boxes of her Gmail… “Hey Radha…”, “hi Radha”“did you see Rab Ne? Slum Dog Millionaire” … Radha happily chats with the red, green chat buttons….

And then… “Radha! are you busy? Please come after you finish to my office…have to give you some papers to review”! … Guide! :P …He/she saw her chatting, Radha knocks her head down on the table…“yes sir/maam coming in a moment…!”

1.15pm: Tired and bugged with her half day stint Radha decides to go back to hostel for food and decides to “STUDY” in the afternoon. Hostel-11 mess is crowded…Radha grabs a chair close to some friends and colleagues. Puts her bag to reserve her seat, goes inside the mess to get a plate…comes out to get food…realizes that she forgot to get bowls for dal and curd … goes inside to get two bowls…. She is starving! The food is chawal and lauki sabzi (a kind of vegetable), she makes a face at the sabzi, quickly serves herself some dal-chawal, pickle and curd…comes back to the place she had reserved for herself…all her friends have already finished and left. Tired…her hunger by this time is already forgotten. “But oh heck! I forgot to get a spoon and a glass of water…Shit! Why am I a researcher?” :( …She rushes back all the way inside the kitchen and gets a spoon and a glass of water…quickly pushes spoonfuls of food, keeps her plate at the wash area, ascends the three-storey B-wing to her room in the third floor ;) .

2.00pm : Radha loves her room…neat, gorgeous and a girl’s heaven. It’s a den in the afternoon, you pull the curtains and it becomes a cool-dark cave. She decides to get up at 3.30pm and “STUDY!” … Takes her favourite quilt, sleeps….zzzz…..

5.30pm: Phone buzzes… Radha wakes up with a start. “Is this a missed call for breakfast or tiffin? It’s morning or is it evening? ” Radha can’t decide…she keeps rubbing her eyes…but the clock refuses to budge from a “5″ and a “30″ pm :( … . Determined to “STUDY” she goes downstairs with her satchel, eats and gossips with friends…6.00pm, 6.30pm…”Oh I have to run to the department” …. Gets up, walks with her bag towards the department…half way down…she talks to herself , “evening is beautiful, in fact poetic…let’s go to the lake side for a short-brisk walk…an evening walk boosts memory power scientists say” ;) … And, then she scoots down the convo road, takes a short-cut and lands near the Powai lake. The evening is gorgeous indeed! Radha sits “evening-dreaming” …spots a young couple (probably B.Techs) sitting close to each other and talking sweet nothings…. Radha decides that after she “STUDIES” she will like to have such a boy friend …. The clock says it’s 8.15pm…”Oh God why Does this clock run marathons! Dinner time! Why did I come to lake side? can’t go to department now…will go back have dinner and “STUDY” :( “…

8.30pm: Mess, same people, same faces, same gossips…. One girl says: “you know I have twenty five papers accepted in thirty two journals, 30 conference papers and a handful of corporate offers with a package of 28lakhs p.a” …. Another lady keeps asking, “so when are you submitting your thesis? I have been here only for a year and half …I am ready with my pre-synopsis” …. Radha thinks “I will go to my room and “STUDY” ” Another beauty conscious lady suggests “Radha why don’t you do something about your pimples? And for god’s sake stop wearing those grey tees and red-framed specs…you look so god-damn oldie!” There’s another lady who’s ultra-interested in others’ lives and other people’s researches. She knows the “a,b,c…z” of everyone’s personal and professional lives, including who joined PhD in which lab, who left PhD from which lab…. Radha too has her share of gossips, she discusses the couple sitting by the lake side and in her stupidly romantic clichés, she manages to extract a mass sigh: “hmmmmmmm”….

9.30pm: Back to room…all quiet on every front. Radha opens her books, papers and really “STUDIES” till 12.00 midnight…. LAN Ban in hostel and so no more work …

12.05am: Movie time! Radha had downloaded her favourite Dev Anand movie from DC++ …. She’s lost in Dev Anand and his left-bent puffed hairstyle ;) and sings loudly with him: badal bijlee chandan pani jaisa apna pyar lena hoga janam humein kayee-kayee bar… aaa…”

1.00am: Knock! Knock! Radha, still singing with Dev Anand, goes to open the door…”didi can you lower the volume of your singing and of your movie…we have our assignment and midterms!” “Oh sure!” Radha comes back fuming, gives a kick to her sound box so that it stops playing, shuts down her PC and mutters mimicking her neighbour: “didi! volume…unhh! when we have APS these people dance on the floor on ‘bidi jaleyile’ and now my Dev Anand, my sweet Dev Anand is creating problem for their assignment! Bull s****!”

2.30am: Still no sleep…Radha keeps turning and twisting…and with each turn she decides to “wake up early in the morning…do some Yoga…take a bath (she could not bathe the entire day)…pray God…and “STUDY!” She tinkers with her phone, then sets it to FM mode and a voice huskily announces: “doston yeh hai Akashwani aur aap sun rahe hain FM Rainbow… main hoon apka pyara humsafar Milind Inamdar aur yeh hai humara show “Dil se”…aaj humare paas jo dil aya hai woh hai padhne wala diljo dil ek nazar mein sab kuchh padh sake” and then the RJ plays, “kitaben bahut si padhi hongi tumne magar koi chehra bhi tumne padha hai?” (Transl. “Friends this is All India Radio and you are listening to FM Rainbow. I am your friend Milind and this show is called “Dil Se”. Today we have the studious heart on our show, the heart which can read eyes”) Radha is now satisfied, she sets her alarm for “9.oo am” and with every new song slowly trails to sleeeeeeppp and in her dreams decides to “STUDY”! :)

10.00am: Phone rings, “Radha! can you come…?” :)

IIT streets

P.N.: This is a fictional character and the only resemblance that it has to any person dead or living is “Anne De plume” :) …. But it’s just one aspect of our daily lives…there are many more….I thank my readers to have extracted the “honest” narration from Iris ;) … But, on a serious note this perpetual thought of “STUDY” is common to all researchers in IIT Bombay and this thought itself is enough to keep you always on your toes and makes research such a gratifying job.

My Little Red Umbrella :)

Beautiful things of life are simple and they are often taken for granted :) We realize the value of a certain thing which might be dear to us after losing it forever or at times when someone else makes us feel its importance.

I gave my little red umbrella few moths back after ten years of “rainy-sunny” relationship with it to Hemant. The red umbrella has been a part of me for the last ten years of hostel life. It has seen me rushing for classes, jumping out into the rains, battling the heat waves in summers and most significantly growing up from an undergraduate to a researcher. It was raining heavily the evening I joined the under-grad hostel in RD Women’s College Bhubaneshwar. I was nervous and sad since it was the first time was leaving home for a new life. We had to rush out of the car to a small shop in the Market building area of Bhubaneshwar to get a few stuffs for the hostel room. It was in that shop that we found the red umbrella, sitting on one of the shelves, bright-gorgeous red, smiling at the customers but waiting for the best one to pick it up :D ;) . It was actually so deep red in colour that one had to have the guts to buy the umbrella. But we did! Instantly both papa and I fell in love with it!!! :) … It smiled at us from the shelves, happily waved a goodbye to the shopkeeper and was ready to open its wings and fly into the world waiting outside with both sunny and rainy sides. From thereon we have been together till recently.

I forgot to mention one interesting characteristic of the red umbrella. On one of its flaps there are many-many painted golden smiley-suns. So, when one opens the umbrella the suns will smile at once :) ….The practical advantage of these suns are that they are kind of birth-marks, identification symbols of the umbrella. It doesn’t get stolen or lost easily because of these suns. Who will dare to steal it? ;) It remains with you wherever you go or wherever you leave it.

In post-grad and M.Phil days I was identified in the campus by the umbrella. Dressed up in a red dress, red shoes, red lipstick ;) and red clips :) …walked with pride with my little red umbrella :) . In the summers when I walked with the umbrella, a very soothing red-shadow coloured the face, giving it a fine blush. In the rains, when transparent rain drops fell on its surface, the umbrella would smile back at the clouds daring them to pour down even more. I remember on 4th September 2002, I was carrying the umbrella to the hospital where grandpa was waiting for his last moments. Aunty was also wearing a bright red coloured dress–same as my red umbrella. The umbrella smiled at grandpa and he smiled back at it and said to us in a shivering voice: “life is that red in colour–bright and smiley and is meant to be enjoyed. It is not of the dull grey colours (someone else in that room was wearing a dull grey shirt)… everywhere there is god and he smiles. Those were his last words.

When I came to IIT Bombay for PhD, during the coursework phase I tried to behave a little intelligent and would visit the library late nights. It was the flash flood year and everywhere umbrellas were in high demand. One night, I went to the library with the red umbrella but left that on one of the library shelves. It was time for the library to be closed and everyone was hurrying out. Lights had been turned off and the staff and security had already started leaving. I too hurried out and forgot all about the existence of the umbrella in my life. Suddenly, the moment I came out of the library, my tube-light mind went twang!!! Oh gosh! I had left the umbrella in the shelves. Before anyone, including the security realized what went wrong… I was scooting down the library shelves like a biker. The librarian rang the alarm, everyone was running behind me, security was summoned, lights were turned on, librarian and the library staff were running to catch me, I was stopped but nothing would stop me…It was a chaos!!! Finally, I located the little red umbrella sitting on one of the shelves along with Foucault and Derrida, smiling back relaxedly at me. I kissed the umbrella and was happy. Then, it was my turn to be embarrassed. The librarian, security and staff were close on my heels. One of them asked me: “B.Tech first year?I nodded in negative… “M.Tech first year?” “No” … “Then??” I replied calmly: “No PhD first year!” :P and walked away with the umbrella.

Three years have passed and have lost and found the umbrella many-many times in IITB…

Few months ago I saw Hemant going around in the rain without an umbrella. He was frustrated and angry. He has bought at least 12 and lost all 12 umbrellas. He had lost one of his umbrellas the day before. :) There was a sad look on his face and he said that he will not buy another umbrella. I decided to give him mine. He was overjoyed to see the red umbrella and was simply delighted like a child. Additionally, I thought that need to reduce over attachment towards material possessions. So, finally I gave my red umbrella to him with a barter-trade of a beautiful Chinese floral umbrella. I lost the Chinese umbrella in no time though. Don’t know where it went but just got lost somewhere.

However, he still carries it — keeps loosing it and forgetting it, but the umbrella funnily returns back to him every time and smiles at him like it did at me. Being a researcher he often calculates the probability of the umbrella being stolen…and he says the probability of not losing it approaches to 0.9. ;) …whatever that is! :) (I am very poor in maths :) ) … Interestingly, these days he has publicized the red umbrella so much that the thing is a star now! Many of his colleagues are buying red umbrellas but they are sad that these umbrellas don’t have the suns which the little red umbrella had.

The umbrella has become a little squeaky and tired now with life’s wear and tear…it has also lost some luster of its earliest days, but it makes everyone happy when it opens its flap and goes out in the sun and rain confidently.

The little red umbrella is simple, ordinary, you may see many such umbrellas everyday…yet it bonds and that’s what its beauty is in :) .

Shhh… APS Time :(

Happy Singh was unhappy today…

Happy called me in the noon and asked me with a voice bordering on a whisper: “did you finish that stuff? how’s it going?” I replied back with a matching anxious tone: “not very good…I am stuck in the 15th page”. Happy Singh almost burst out into a hoarse cry: “what!! 15 pages! My God! I have not crossed the 6th page as yet” :( … My being in mid-ocean in the 15th page proved to be no consolation for poor Happy…so he decided to vent his anxiety at someone else… who might be stuck in the 5th page.

I’m sure anyone who’s reading the stuff will think I have gone nuts. First, I don’t publish my usual weekend blog entry on time (unforgivable :X ) and second when I am writing stuff, I am writing nuts. Well, so let me make it clear — there two seasons overlapping each other, one is the monsoon in Mumbai which invites you to freak out (if you love rains) and the other season is the APS season in IITB (Annual Progress Seminar) that stops you from any freak out business. The two seasons paradoxically overlap each other and create a problematic clash. So, that’s what we are going through right now — shhh APS hai!

The problem in the description of an APS season actually lies in how to describe it? Anyone doing PhD in IIT Bombay will understand exactly what do I mean. But, people including parents and friends who have not had the delicacy called PhD on their platter, think that July-August is a time when we simply go crazy! :O …Mom calls up to say: “beta there’s no water supply in our taps for the last two days” — I irritably respond: “oho! Don’t disturb…give me two years I will setup a Pepsi plant for you…now keep the phone down…write two pages of complaints and send that to the plumber!:) … Imagine her confusion? This APS thing haunts every Research Scholar who joins the institute. Year by year we present our “yearly” (I would say some of us do it only before APS) progress before a panel of experts. Year after year we confront our ignorance on the APS day — and believe me it’s not such a happy meeting.

People behave in a certain way during the APS season, which if you observe carefully is quite interesting. Someone like me, is in all likelihood to bump into any speeding vehicle that goes on the road, while thinking what quotation to add as a filler to the 3rd chapter of my report ;) (not everyone has the guts to laugh at themselves, I do), or else I might just end up waving a huge “Hi” to a complete stranger while take my next door neighbor as a brick on my bedroom wall. Some of us, just look at each other and gain consolation by seeing how tensed the other poor APS ridden soul is (sadistic, but true) … while some bury themselves in a pile of books and papers and library materials that have been lying in dust post-last APS :) . In fact, last Friday I realized that I had thrown away some of the papers during my room’s white wash that I needed for this APS. :( . Some others start pursuing the panel members even in their dreams and get nervous if there is even a slight change in the expression of any of the experts of their committee. While, some simply are cool customers, who think APS is merely a hindrance in their daily dose of intensive research. I just look with unfulfilled greed at every new movie realizing in Huma Adlabs . :(

On the APS day throats parch, hands sweat and I curse myself for every other party that I had attended for the last one year. But post-APS, it’s another round of parties, movies and masti for the next nth point of time :) … Each year if the APS goes safely — it’s like a major operation, I don’t forget to visit the nearest temple in new clothes and coconut, also go to the church “thanking Him” and also attempt to visit the Dargah.

But for the time being… SHHH! DON’T DISTURB :) I have to submit by tomorrow.

The “R” Bug

I kept my lights “on” for one whole night after reading The Calcutta Chromosome of Amitav Ghosh. No doubt, the book is marvelously structured and is a researcher’s delight, but I took the text so seriously that by the end of it felt the ghosts of “Lakhan” and “Murugan” had come to claim my poor book-ridden soul. I thought I too was “in the story” because of my perpetual and dooming curiosity for “what happened next?” There was an intense feeling that I had a trace of the “lost chromosome”. Falciparum Plasmodium, Syphilis and all these diseases described in that novel seemed to be making me their guinea pig.

Anyways, I was sure that there is some bug somewhere in my campus, my immediate circle, my department and also in me that made the case a little queer. The symptoms — “a divine discontent”, an occassional irritability, frustration on the other, sudden love-hate relationship with “The” Text, friend making and friend breaking processes, pulsating-throbbing effect of an approaching seminar, periodic pro-guide-anti-guide-contra-guide feelings, the “ABD” : “All But Dissertation” syndrome (That’s my senior’s term)…I can sit and count millions of such common symptoms. The Calcutta Chromosome merely strengthened my belief on an actuality of the existence of such a “bug”. Ghosh might choose to name it “the chromosome”.

That night I looked frantically for this bug underneath my pillow, my room, my workplace…but couldn’t find it…I sensed it was somewhere very close, but eluded me every time that I attempted to reach it and destroy it. I was angry with myself for being so curious that people almost took me for being insane. My family for the next few days thought of withdrawing me from the campus and increasingly felt that I was likely to go to Mars, friends found it difficult to cope with my happiness-anger-nabad cycles, Hemant gaped with concerned eyes and tried his hands at 24 hours counseling, etc., .

Finally, there came the break through in this status quo. One day in KResIT, the epiphanic moment dawned after two strong cutting chais. I felt like a scientist who has accidentally stumbled upon the discovery of her life and is now queuing up for the Nobel. Spoke feverishly to myself –”Eureka! The bug that’s bitten me I coined as “R-Bug”, the same bug has bitten the people around me too — for some the degree of poison is slightly low and for some it’s simply self-destructive.

The R-bug has certain tragi-comic symptomatic attacks on the junta that it chooses to reveal itself. Some folks are so allured to be bitten by it that they leave jobs of lacs and choose a state of penniless survival in the campus. For, some others the “bug” serves as a substitute for food and drink, while some think that its bite open new vistas/career of life. In my case, the bug holds me in a trance/ voodoo kind of magic for certain periods of time and then suddenly loosens its grip and allows me the liberty of a desire-ridden lady. When under its intense bite, I produce (sometimes worthless) papers, write-ups, and also spontaneous outburst of the long-lost muse. I realized with a jolt sitting there that everyone around me, including Dr. Ghosh is under the sway of this bug/chromosome…whatever u name it.

After realizing this potential destructiveness/constructiveness of the R-Bug, thanks to Amitav Ghosh’s wonderful text…I also understand the potential incurability of poor mortals (including me) bitten by this bug…

Any Nobel for me ????? :)

Banker’s Pride…

Remember the famous Onida ad of yesteryears in which a green demon comes licking his lips surreptiously and sneakily commenting : “neighbours envy, owner’s pride!” ? These days, money and partners have become the owner’s pride. Both money and a lovely, smart, not-the-coy “homemaker”- type individuals are amazingly in-things.

However, it is my personal observation that somehow in our times it is money — dollars, euros, rupees, yen…which is sexier than any female/male creature. As a poor researcher in literature, having no support from my institution and living through my most unforgivable sin, “not cleared JRF/NET exams”, I live in perennial penury. When I started with research some three years ago, I prided on this penury. In fact, I felt like a la John Keats or a laGabriel Rossetti living with no Govt support — all in order to create history. The result…like brain drains, I drained my father’s last savings which he had saved for my “dowry” :) .

After three whole years, I realize that it was my greatest blunder and a desperate Romantic foolishness.

This bit of history was a little important for my recent money hunting ventures. Last month, there was a notice somewhere from some enthusiastic, social-service kind of bankers, offering to help any “meritorious” student of this great institution. Overestimating my merits I applied for this “loan-scholarship”. After ten pages of form filling, two long days of running around to and from various offices, 100 rupees of fax with an estimate of my father’s entire “remaining” property, I was one day summoned to this illustrious baker’s office for a “discussion”.

Of the few interesting questions put to me in what I would say the unforgettable interview of my life, here are some excerpts (folks kindly forgive memory, there might be follies in the recount):

Banker: Hello Lady! So You are a researcher in Literature? How is that going to help you earn?

Me: (scratched my head) Sir, I may join a corporate or an academic institution as a Prof., or at least I can earn by tutions (aur yeh galat jawab)

Banker: You should have been in a University…what are you doing in a technical institution?

Me: (biting my nails — guess interdisciplinarity is in fashion) No, actually I thought great research in Humanities can also be done from technical places. Even Chomsky is from MIT, I guess. (why do you write your Electronics text books in English? why do you study Census, maps in English? )

Banker: You said that you are good in your field…how can u say that…ur CPI shows you are only an 8 pointer in a class of three…

Me: (oops caught! How does he know I was sleeping during course work) Sir, I never knew that talent is judged only from CPIs… I have enough mettle to prove myself in the long run.

Banker: Humanities people can never equal technos…we transform knowledge into work….

Me: (Angry :X) I don’t want to equal…I think we are better of…at least we realize the value of technology…we don’t ask an automobile engineer “do you make scooters”, unlike some of you who tend to ask “u r researching in English, do you write novels”?

Banker:(mellowed) It is ok…my niece too is in Boston doing something with International studies!

Me: Smiled (I come from an orthodox family who will never allow me to Boston without a husband ;) )

Banker: We will see…if possible to fund you…actually I am a technical person…so it is kind of a risk you know…to fund researchers and that too in Lit. Moreover, your generation is a little distracted generation…we were a generation which took work seriously…your generation is not much dependable that way…But we will let you know soon…you will receive a mail from our side…ciao…!

Me: Bbye sir…!

Conversation ends…I come out wiping my sweat… it seemed I was emerging after a round of stress interview.

For the last whole month, I was desperately angry and frustrated with myself for showing byronic foolishness by defying the NET thing. I prayed to God, to give me tons of money so that I can show down the whole technos and bankers community of the world. But, I realized that will be another foolish recklessness on my part. Some people spoil the name of an entire community. It happens in my field too…. And moreover, the person who owns money always has a certain degree of advantage o’er subalterns like me…. Egalitarianism is a utopian fancy, u know. This pride comes as a bonus with both money and intellect.

Forgivable sins… )

What’s The Big Deal Honey!

Deals are always supposed to be big! Nuclear deals, Business deals, Marriage deals and also Maintanace deals (nop I am not referring to car maintenance :) ) In India wives going for a legal separation get something called “maintenance” from husbands in form of cash, property and a share in everything that he owns. Such are deals then! One has to tread carefully into the forbiddengrounds of deals.

Yesterday, I was jolted from a blissful sleep by a late night call. It was Roy calling me from one end of Mumbai and sobbing endlessly…the reasons…the newly wed couple ended up battling over each other’s lives.

Again the reasons…Roy’s apparent jokes with Ria regarding the “last” of his “one night stances” post-marriage! The outcome… Ria threatened to quit the marriage scene immediately.

My suggestion… like any woman… I fumed: “Gosh Roy! Grow up…ur married yaar!!”

His response…”But what’s the big deal honey! It was a joke on just a one night stance! He begged: “this is my last! Its over”!

Huh! Men! They think life is a cricket match…you have to forcibly retire after marriage.

But no the deal was bigger…Ria eaves-dropped on our telephonic conversation. Roy was chatting away unaware of the dangers lurking behind. She packed all her things…especially the new dresses that Roy bought for her after marriage and called a taxi…scooted away to the railway station/airport. Her last words to him were something (paraphrased by Roy) like this: “You are mean! You are nuts! You joke on nights with women. And, you fucking say what’s the big deal! I don’t want to look at that face of yours again.”

I added dryly: “I would have been worse Roy…may be you would have had the frying pan landing on your nose.”

We drove like crazy through the town to fetch her back and finally located her early dawn at the CST station…she was dozing off on one of the benches. Roy ran to her, almost snatched her suitcase and was on the verge of badly hugging her/ falling at her feet…. Ahem!…that was a railway station and I was gaping with worried eyes at both of them.

After an hour, things had cooled down. I packed their bags for a Mahabaleswar trip and of course there was some intial shopping done to pacify Ria. While seeing them off, I muttered under my breath and winked at Ria with a womanly understanding : ” for us deals are always big, u better realize that soon honey…! ” ;) )