Catch a Gold Fish

This evening as I stop to take a breath after a  happening semester, nostalgia grips me and transports me into the times before one year, and in fact even before that.  One year ago Anne’s life was so different, so raw, so ‘lost’ .  As I relive the moments of my life through flashback, it seems there are just too many events happening through time, some even  beyond my own control.

During this semester I had a heady, happening encounter with the freshies (1st Years). As I observed their activities closely through my silent veneer, every little activity of theirs took me back to my own ‘fresh-woman’ year at IIT .

Let me recount a story from the many episodes of my life during those days when I was struggling to search for myself.  The story is a part of a memory of my Second Semester as a hostelite in H-11 (known as ‘Athena’ today).  I was going through the rigours of coursework and was trying my hand at multi-tasking for the first time.  The amount of pressure and frustration was brilliantly overpowering my capacity to handle them. My hostel room was the only haven for me, designed and built-in a way that whoever visited me wanted to stay back in 151 .

One night after returning late from the lab, finishing my submission for a course assignment, I fell asleep — exhausted, and undisturbed.  My mornings have always began late — very late as per IST. Around 8.30 AM that particular morning, I heard a knock at my door, did not bother to open and see who was calling. Thought one of my friends must have knocked for breakfast, so shouted in sleep, “yaar tum log jao, main baad main kha loongi kuchh KRESIT pe…sone do yaar” ! (You all go ahead, I will eat something later at KRESIT.) The knock persisted — but still I did not bother to open my door.

After about half an hour, got a call on my cellphone. With half-opened eyes checked my cell to see that the call was from a landline phone. Picked it up immediately thinking that possibly my guide was calling me.

The voice was that of a male, somewhat unfamiliar to me because I was not used to too many friends on campus. He was also a little clumsy and unsure, but said, “hi! Anne? Did I disturb you? Remember me? I am ______. We are doing the course on creativity together” . I thought oh my! Class notes!! No way! Then he said, “I knocked this morning at your door. I had come with A___ (my hostel mate). Wanted to meet you urgently, I am calling from Hostel-8 booth, could you please open your door?”  Now, I was really afraid. Didn’t know what to say to him. Mind started constructing doubts and questions like ‘why??’ ‘what is his work with me? ‘why me?’….. Still could not say a ‘no’ because his voice was so pleading, almost as if he was holding something heavy that was weighing him down. Not used to any guy visiting me during those early years at the hostel… was extremely uncomfortable. I sounded brave, ‘yeah, sure, why not come over….Sorry I thought that was Tina…was trying to shoooo her off’  ….

He was in front of my door in the next five minutes. I opened the door with the first knock trying to look as presentable was possible — landing up looking horrible. Was right  about my gut feeling about something weighing him down. He was not alone, had a hostel mate of mine with him.  I was surprised to see a large bowl with water and two gold-fishes happily swimming  oblivious of the world around them .  My course-mate was grinning  sheepishly, looking with pleading eyes. He really looked lost and in need of help.

They just walked inside my room with the glass bowl in hand and kept it on my study chair. I  could not understand what was happening around! This was my first interaction with this person.

Even before I could ask anything he said, “See I need a favour from you. Your hostelmate is getting married to my wing-mate. These goldfishes were meant to be a wedding gift for them as they shift from hostel to home. However, they are going away from here on honeymoon for a month. So, it is difficult for them to take care of these fishes. Please, please handle them for a month, I am really requesting you to do it because I don’t know anyone in this hostel. will teach you how to take care of them — just for a month.”

I was flabbergasted!  I knew I was strange, a counselor for friends, a happy-go-lucky girl, not giving much thought to life and people, but was never thinking of myself in the role of a ‘caretaker’ of other people’s wedding gifts !  Apprehensively, I asked this person “but why don’t you keep the gold fishes in your hostel room?”   He replied, “You see! It might happen that when I come back from class the boys might have roasted the fishes and eaten them up with rice during lunch. See it’s just for a month, they are really well-behaved fishes” .

My hostel-mate (I came to know from our conversation that she was the one who had got married recently, and the fish-bowl was her wedding gift), also looked with pleading eyes. Finally I relented. They quickly handed me a huge packet of fish-food and gave me a thorough briefing of handling the gold-fishes, changing water once in a while, feeding them only four-five nibbles of fish food, and not exposing them to too many place changes. Very studiously I heard through the tutorial, bid them a ‘bye’, said a ‘happy honeymoon’ to a perfect stranger who had just handed me over her responsibility without even knowing me.

Within half-an-hour I was left alone with my new uninvited guests. Closed the door of my room, looked at the gold-fishes, they looked back at me, immediately turned about, wagged the famous golden tail, as if teasing me — and ‘moved on’! I was surprised — how dare they stay in my room and ignore me! I really didn’t know what to do with them — for no reason felt that an unnecessary burden has been thrust upon me during the peak-semester when I should be studying and writing assignments.

Until, nightfall! That was my first night with the fish bowl and the two gold-fishes. I was sitting and writing something on my computer, absent-mindedly looked around and saw the two fishes. In the darkness of my room and in the lamp-light, I saw them glitter and shine! They were just the most beautiful things that I had come across in my life! Left my work, went near the fish-bowl and kept staring at the two fishes.

They were playing around, hitting the glass bowl with their tails, watching the bubbles from their breath was itself a delight! Then I just playfully placed my fingers on the surface of the bowl. Lo!! They seemed to love it, animated, funny, fast movements through the bowl!! I was giggling, and it seemed they enjoyed the feel of my giggle!

Then on, we had become friends! I would finish my work in the department and run back to the hostel to meet my new friends. Did not let anyone enter my room during those days except my closest friend, who was as naive as I was! We played with the fishes for hours, talked to them, fed them fish food, and then fell-asleep watching them play. I kept observing these fishes to see if they sleep at night — but they always seemed to be shimmering and shining and happy with their mouth constantly doing ‘pak-pak-pak-pak’ . There seemed to be a deep connection that we shared — a language which only we understood. For instance, if I came with a bad mood the fishes would look quieter for a while and then circle round-round fast — until I laughed. The bond was getting stronger and deeper and it was only I who could perceive it or understand it.

When you are happy, time seems to fly so fast that you cannot even count the moments at hand. The month was coming to an end fast and my life with my new friends was getting deeper. The time left at hand was very less.

About four days were left for the newly married couple to come back and claim their gift. I got a call one evening from this friend thanking me profusely for taking care of his friend’s wedding gift. I smiled, but was sad within that it was time to part with my friends.  Next morning when I woke-up and went straight (as had become my habit) to the fish bowl to play with my friends saw that one of the fishes was floating with its back-up on the surface of the water.  Tapped the bowl thinking that it was asleep. I gave a low shriek when I discovered that the fish was dead. It seemed as if something snapped inside me, a feeling of losing a child perhaps. I really cannot define the feeling.

I frantically called up the person who had given me the fishes and told him all that had happened. Was in fact almost crying that I could not take care of them as well as he had thought I will. He calmed me down saying “cool yaar! It wasn’t your fault! Fishes are delicate things! It’s OK they do Die sometime.”  He went again to Crawford market (South Bombay, 1 Hour by local train from the campus), bought a single gold-fish, came back, and gave it to me.  I took care not to get attached to the fishes this time. Still it was so fulfilling to have them around.

The day finally came when I had to hand-over the fish bowl to the people who actually owned it!  I was really sad handing over my friends to these people. The place had become empty and I was on my own again. After giving them back the bowl, my best friend teased me “beganni  shaadi mein Abdullah diwana! “

A few weeks later, one day I was going out somewhere in the evening. As I climbed down the stairs (my room was on the 2nd floor), in the store area below the stairs I found lying the empty fish-bowl. Ran to the room of this girl who was the owner of the bowl. Knocked at her door, and breathlessly asked her, “hey what happened to the fishes? I am sorry just saw the empty bowl at the store area”. Nonchalantly she replied, “Oh the fishes! See we could not take care of them in the beginning of a new life, shifting, and all you know. So, we took the fishes to the Academic building area. There is a nice fish pond there with a lot of gold-fishes, left them inside the pond. That’s where they belong to now.” 

I kept visiting the ‘Mainbuilding’ (that’s what we called the area) fish pond with the hope of catching a glimpse of my fishes. Have never been able to recognize them though — except a feeling that perhaps one of them would know me well. Even today after so many years, as I pass-by the fish pond in front of the Main building, I do peep once to catch a glimpse of my lost friends.

Gyan: (a) Never take care of other people’s wedding gift as if they were your own. (b) Life is also like a goldfish,  take care of it — handle it with care !

So that was one little story from many episodes of my campus life. Will be perhaps off ‘Iris’ for sometime now! Do take care of yourselves!Ciao!